What Does the Qur'an Say About Beating the Crap Out of Kids?
To suffer or not suffer the children?
I’ve never hit a child.
(adopts Chris Rock voice): “You’re not supposed to, you sick fuck.”
Imagine a grown-arse man, confessing to this, like he should get a medal for not hurting a small, defenceless human.
That we live in a society where adults physically assaulting children can be justified by anyone baffles and enrages me in equal measures.
My own parents weren’t the beating kind, but there were two instances where they did, the memories of which remain fire branded with an iron rod into my psyche.
The time my dad beat the shit out of me:
My elder brother and I were at a favourite aunt’s house in the fancier part of Dhaka, Bangladesh. When it was time to go home, my aunt suggested I stay and play a while longer, while my brother headed back alone. I was all of five-years-old so needed picking up, so my father eventually came to get me, then without a word, in front of my horrified aunt, turned my brown arse red with furious thwacks from his leather Bata sandals.
The time my mum beat the shit out of me:
Whatever I did to deserve it (and that’s what a seven-year-old is made to think, “I brought this all on myself”), halfway through a merciless thrashing with a bamboo cane, I cried out, “O baba, re, o ma re”. It wrenches my heart to translate this, but it’s a colloquial phrase meaning “oh my Daddy, oh my Mummy”. She took exception to this, and screamed: “That’s what slum kids say when they’re being beaten!” Then cranked up the ferocity of the beating till I lay crumpled on the floor.
In the debates I’ve had with those who think striking a child is acceptable, it always boils down to the reasoning: “that’s the only way they’ll learn.” And what, pray, did I learn from those episodes? That I shouldn’t trust a loving family member when they let me play longer than I’m meant to? That I shouldn’t sound poor when crying out in pain?
Logic tells me my parents did plenty of loving things for me as a child – they must have consoled me when I was upset or afraid, given me treats, offered encouraging words… but I don’t remember any of that. Those two incidents negated every other memory. No Parenting Awards for you, Mum and Dad.
Growing up in Bangladesh, where every child I knew got beaten to various degrees, I always imagined it to be a Muslim thing. When I came to Britain as a teenager, I realised this also happened in the Christian world. You may be familiar with this nugget from the Bible:
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.”
Proverbs 23:13
Where does The Holy Q stand on the issue of discipling children? And does it tell us to strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger?
While there are plenty of instances where followers are urged to teach their children the one true path, you have to go all the way to Chapter Six (surah al-An’am, 6:151), before they are directly addressed: “Honour your parents”, and to the parents, “do not kill your children if they prove to be a strain on your resources”. Pretty solid advice on both counts, I’m sure you’ll agree.
Flick through all the way to Chapter 64 (surah al-Taghabun, 64:15), and we are told: “Your wealth and children are only tests, the real reward comes in the hereafter.”
It’s interesting children and money are spoken of in the same breath. In fact, in some translations of this surah, they are “ornaments” rather than trials, but the message remains the same: both offspring and wealth are gifts that can be afforded to anyone, both can test you to your limits, but under no circumstances should you abuse either. Treat them well, and you will be rewarded for it in heaven.
In the spirit of not sounding like one of those Qur’an-bashers who claim there’s nothing dodgy in the scriptures whatsoever, it does get a little bit sexist. In surah an-Nisa, 4:11, inheritance is doled out thus: “the share of the male will be twice that of the female. If you leave only two or more females, their share is two-thirds of the estate. But if there is only one female, her share will be one-half.”
Things also turn a bit Woman’s Health magazine in surah al-Baqarah, 2:233: “Mothers should breastfeed their children for two years”, but adds: “No mother should be harmed through her child… And if you wish to have your children nursed by a substitute, there is no blame upon you.”
Any mother of a new-born child who’s struggled with breastfeeding, either through post-natal depression or simply low milk supply, here’s God himself telling you it’s okay, don’t worry about it.
And finally:
“My Lord, grant me a child who will be righteous.” (surah as-Saffat, 37: 100)
It’s a fair enough wish, isn’t it, praying for a kid that isn’t a little shit?
And that’s it. It’s not the Holy Q that instructs followers to discipline children with pain, it’s that old processed-meat nugget: society once again warping religion to suit its cultural mores. There is NOTHING in the Qur’an that instructs parents to harm children. Other than the many verses that start “O, children of Israel”, which aren’t actually about children but calling out to our Jewish brethren, the sentiment still follows the line of, be good, see the light, let’s work together and end all this hate.
Given what’s happening over there right now, I think the children of Israel and Palestine would both benefit greatly if the adults heeded these words and stopped beating the crap out of each other and fucking killing them.
Yes, it's so sad on many counts over there. "Given what’s happening over there right now, I think the children of Israel and Palestine would both benefit greatly if the adults heeded these words and stopped beating the crap out of each other and fucking killing them."